Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Resolutions for a new year

I try not to write the same post year after year and month after month. Trying is really not enough sometimes. So, here we go again with more of the same...

I want to be more engaged. I think I take tons of things for granted. I think I miss God's blessings because I am too wrapped up in getting the day done. I literally lose sight of Him so often. He could be speaking into my life but I am too busy being task oriented to even hear it.

I don't appreciate my little baby girls enough, I focus on the overwhelmed-ness instead of the fun. Time is passing and they are growing and tomorrow they'll be gone. I need to live in *this* moment. (Emotions are running high today - feel it?)

Haiti is not an excuse - but I find I constantly compartmentalize. I cannot sort it out or reconcile it so instead - I shelve it. I push back feelings and frustrations and try not to let things "get to me". The sad stories and difficult situations are more than I want to face so I just don't face it. I try doing things without God. I don't go to Him, I just push it all away. I do this every. single. day.

If I started my day with prayer ... went to Him when I was overwhelmed with baby girls or sad about Haiti things or just plain tired of it ... who knows what my days would become.

I resolve to press in and spend less time talking to myself in my head and more time talking to God. I resolve to be present in the moments that He gives me, to trust Him enough to get me through each day, whether it be an easy or an hard day.

(Lord, Don't let me lose my sight of You.)

Gravity, Shawn McDonald

The ways of this world are grabbing a hold
Won't let me go, won't let me fly by
It takes it's toll down on my soul
‘Cause I know what I need in my life
Don't let me lose my sight of You
Don't let me lose my sight
I don't want to fall away from You
Gravity is pulling me on down
I don't want to fall away from You
Gravity is pulling me to the ground
This world keeps making me cry
But I'm going to try, going to try to fly, going to fly high
Don't want to give into the sin, want to stay in You ‘til the end
Don't want to lose my sight of You
Don't want to lose my sight
I want to fly
Into the sky
Turn my back on this old world
Leave it all behind
This place is not my home
It's got nothing for me
Only leaves me emptiness
And tears in my eyes