Livesay Family: My #Grahamson Story ~ The birth of Graham Gonzales

(Friday after a brisk walk.)

(Saturday at 3pm BU vs TCU game.)

Graham Porter Gonzales made a decision to leave the dark warmth and relative ease of his Mother’s womb on Saturday evening.

He must have weighed all his options and decided that adventure was better than predictability, that excitement beats monotony, that spontaneity and whimsy make life so much more interesting.

In reviewing his particular method of joining us on the outside, we think perhaps he felt the need, the need for speed.

Lest you prefer not to read an entire birth story, and you simply need the stats, let me tell you the end first.

Graham Porter Gonzales appeared on the scene October 11, 2014 at 9:56pm, weighing in at a fighting weight of 7 pounds 9 ounces with an impressive 20.25” of vertical giftedness.

His Mother was there for the event, his Father was too. Additional members of his team were his Aunt Britt, his Mojo (me), two midwives Betsy and Terry, as well as a student midwife.

For some, birth stories are too much. People get all squirmy and uncomfortable talking about body parts and bodily fluids. It is almost as if talking about it is what makes it gross. We (Paige and I) understand that and we ask you to exit the blog at this time because we both do birth stories right. There are details coming.

For the rest of us that like birth stories, well...

…We think that everyone was once born and because that is true (can we get agreement here?) we all have our very own fluid filled beginnings and that is just the simple messy truth of it.

Our conclusion is this: Birth is beautiful and MIRACULOUS while simultaneously being more than a bit humbling and so very equalizing. Nobody gets out of it without at least some excrement or slimy fluid.

Like Forest Gump said, shit happens.

~ ~ ~

This birth story is going to begin a little sooner than some. Let us return to mid September of 2014 in order to record a few facts.

(Let us also switch to a third-person narrative for a few paragraphs.)

Paige was having some concerning blood pressure issues. Lab work, consultations, prayers, and careful watching became a part of the pregnancy around week thirty-seven.

There were already tickets booked for Mojo from Haiti to Texas on October 14, but something in Mojo’s heart said that the ticket needed to be sooner. The ticket was switched to the 8^th of October. Mojo kept praying (andwriting) and feeling nervy. Paige kept resting, eating protein and monitoring her blood pressure.

For whatever reason, Mojo couldn’t shake a bit of fear and trepidation. She felt like something wasn’t going to be okay, she worried and told a friend she kind of felt like Paige would end up with a hospital birth situation. Mojo called American Airlines and changed her ticket to the 7^th of October. Paige and Britt thought she was dumb, because what’s one day?

The morning of the 7^th, Mojo felt uneasy and afraid. She told two friends that prayed with her. On the ride to the airport at 2pm Haiti time she told Tito, “I feel like something isn’t right with Paige and Graham.”

Mojo left Haiti on a 3:44pm flight on October 7^th. As Mojo powered down her phone to leave the island, Paige and Graham(son) were in a car accident on their way home from work. Mojo landed in Miami 90 minutes later to see the photograph posted at the end of this blog entry. The accident happened outside of Waco and was a hit and run. The driver has since been caught.

Paige and Graham went to a local hospital to be monitored and checked out. Midwife Betsy and Daddy Michael were also at the hospital. After four hours they were determined to be 100% healthy and unharmed. They were discharged. Mojo boarded her next flight to Dallas knowing they were okay and heading home to rest.

~ ~ ~

The Rest of the Story

On Thursday Paige and I addressed and mailed wedding invitations.

On Friday we decided to head to Dallas to be with Britt and Chris (Paige’s older sister and brother-in-law) because Michael had to work long shifts on Friday and Saturday. Paige talked a lot about wishing she could go into labor and wondered how could we make that happen. On the ride to Dallas she voxed with midwife KJ in Haiti, asking why we disagreed with trying Castor Oil. KJ gave Paige the exact answer I gave, much to Paige’s disappointment.

Once to Dallas, Britt and I took Paige on a brisk 30-minute walk. Britt fed us a delicious lasagna dinner. After dinner we tried tricks we learned on the medically trusted and truly professional website called "YouTube". We practiced pushing on pressure points in Paige’s legs and feet for an hour.

By 11pm a storm knocked out the power at Chris and Britt’s house so we decided to pretend we were in Haiti and head to bed. The power returned in the middle of the night. The four of us all woke up rested after a great ten hours of sleep.

Britt took off for a long run around 10am. Paige asked me to strip her membranes. (Google that if you need more Intel.) Afterward we decided another brisk walk couldn’t hurt anything.

We walked/pseudo jogged for 20 minutes. We returned to the house and showered quickly to head south to a Baylor vs. TCU football game. (Sic Em Bears!) During the drive down to Waco Paige started having contractions. She downloaded a contraction app and began timing them. By the time we got seated at the game her contractions were coming regularly. Paige enjoyed 15 minutes of the game before things got more painful and from then on she simply tolerated the game. (See photo of enjoyment. See video of toleration.) She had 50 contractions while we were at the game.

During the beginning of the fourth quarter, Baylor acted like they did not want to win. Paige asked to leave, we happily obliged. On the walk back to the car the contractions were bad enough that Paige needed to stop walking and talking during them.

We arrived back at Paige’s apartment at 6:30 and checked Paige’s progress. We found that she was 5cm dilated. Paige decided to lie down for a bit while we waited for Michael to get home from work so we could head to the birth center.

Michael ran into post Baylor game traffic (and a surprise end of the game win for BU). It took a lot longer than usual for him to get home. He walked in at 7:40pm about the same time that Chris delivered dinner to those of us not in active labor.

While Michael got changed Britt and I finished our cleaning in the apartment and put the last items in the bag to be ready to leave after Michael ate his dinner.

Right then, Paige started throwing up. To the midwife, that was a little concerning because it did not seem like throw up time quite yet. (Vomiting is a sign of transition and often means that dilation is 7cm or more.) I said with my fake-it-till-you-make-it calm voice, “You guys, we should probably get going”.

Paige asked to be checked. When she was in fact 7cm - we all moved out with urgency. At exactly 8:18pm we left the driveway with Britt behind the wheel of the loaner Tahoe we were (are) using due to the accident. Chris headed to Dallas to pick up Paige’s best friend Julia, who was to land at DFW at 11pm.

We intended to drive 57 miles to the birth center in a somewhat calmish fashion.

We drove about 10ish miles before Paige started throwing up again. She said, “Mom, it hurts so bad and I cannot do this. Make it stop, make it stop, Mom.” Britt and I both let a few tears go over that sad pleading that we could do nothing about.

At that point I thought, ‘Well, a baby in the truck is not part of the plan. Dammit.’ I asked Britt to pull off the road to dump out the puke bowl and move people around in the truck. Up to that point Michael, Paige, and the car seat were in the second row and I was in the front with Britt. The back of the truck had our bags and belongings.

Pulling off of Interstate 35 proved to be difficult because we were in a construction zone and not near an exit. Britt did super-ninja driving tricks and got it done. When the truck finally came to a stop Paige shocked us to our senses when she yelled, GET OUT MICHAEL!”

I dumped the puke and started to organize and unpack KJ’s birth bag. I found some key items (gloves, Doppler, instruments, etc.) while Paige got out of the truck and kneeled (“full on hands and knees on the side of the road” to quote Paige) on the shoulder of the road.

Paige said, “Mom, I think my water broke while I was puking.” (That turned out to be urine, not ruptured membranes.) I hurried faster to arrange the back of the truck and move the other stuff forward. While I was doing that Paige said, “Mom, I have to poop, is it okay if I do?” It was then that I thought, “Oh man. We are not having a birth center birth.” However, I said, “We can make it to the birth center, guys. We can make it!”

I told Paige not to poop or push - that she was feeling Graham’s head.

Paige got into the back of the truck and rested on her left side. I sat in the corner at her feet. Michael stayed in the second row, turned back toward us. Mercifully, she got a bit of a lull in the contractions, they slowed down.

Britt decided to drive with the hazards flashing and she turned on the intensity. We were still 40 minutes away. We prayed out loud for the Lord to see the hot mess that we had going on and slow Paige the heck down.

When Paige’s next contraction came we asked her to try hard not to push, it was obvious that she was complete (that means 10cm – that means business) and had an urge to push. Michael put his finger in front of her face to blow out as if it was a candle. That worked for two contractions. On the third contraction Paige tried to bite Michael’s finger then swatted wildly at him, like an angry bear. We decided at that point our candle would need to be invisible.

I laughed (silently) until tears were running down my face. Michael rolled with it and checked to make sure all ten digits were in tact.

The contractions were very strong; they were coming every six minutes. Paige was the champion of the world. She did so well and kept from pushing as absolutely best as can be expected. We had a clean chux pad underneath her and a roll of paper towel. It is possible that some paper towels with excrement on them left the car window at speeds of 75 miles per hour. Luckily, we were the only ones on the road at that point. During one of the contractions her water broke and was delivered in a perfect water balloon into my hands. (We spared you some photos.)

In review, there was vomit, urine, poo, and amniotic fluid on that ride. The only thing left to do was have a baby.

As we pulled into Cleburne I said, “I see the head Michael.” I told Paige, “You will not want to get up and walk, it will hurt, but you are going to get up and go into that birth center to have your baby.”

At 9:40 we arrived at Edenway Birth Center. The midwife on staff there met us in the driveway. I offered to wrap Paige’s bottom half up in a blanket (she had ditched her gym shorts) – but Paige was in the zone and marched right inside, sans blanket. She went straight to the bed to lie down.

Paige’s “birth plan” did not include anything that had happened up to that point, so when Terry the Edenway midwife said, “We have a warm bath drawn if you’d like to get in there for a few contractions”, of course Paige got up and marched to the bathtub.

Paige had always thought (and expressed to me) that water birth was weird, bordering on gross. She had no intention of having a water birth --that is -- until she had a water birth.

Paige did not want to get back out of the tub so when she needed to push with the next contraction, she pushed. Betsy, her primary midwife had arrived while she was getting settled in the water.

Betsy and I coached Paige. As he was crowning and not retracting back at all, Paige incredulously said, “I don’t get a break? I don’t get a break any more?” We had to inform her that there were no breaks in her long-range future.

To that news she simply said, “Holy cow.”

The next contraction came and Paige pushed with a lot of control and the head was born. Paige said, “I did that!” Brittany was filming and she laughed through her tears and said, “You did!”

(For the midwives in the crowd, he was born OA and he did not fully restitute.)

Two and a half minutes later, exactly 16 minutes after we had arrived at the birth center, Paige had one more contraction and delivered her son into his thrilled/nervous/excited Mojo’s hands in the warm water. I

I untangled his cord and lifted him out of the water to place him on his mommy’s chest. Paige looked at Graham and said, “We did it, we did it together!”

Graham was a bit of a slow starter. His heart rate was great but breathing took some coaxing. Betsy and I both gave him some inflation breaths (Betsy first) and he finally began to sputter a bit and started to get pink.

By 17 minutes postpartum, Graham was latched and nursing in the bathtub, showing us what a brilliant little man he is.

Paige and Michael experienced 7:40pm to 9:56pm of labor/pushing together.

Michael kept his fingers.

Britt kept her cool on an intense 80+ minute ride.

Mojo kept it together and shed tears of nervousness, laughter, empathy and joy.

Graham stayed strong and had wonderful heart tones all the way through his delivery.

Paige? Paige did it all. She is the master.

~ ~ ~

Today, less than a week from that horrible car accident, there are a hundred or more reasons to be grateful. I cannot begin to list all the complex feelings or the deep gratitude because so much of it is something that cannot be easily integrated or voiced; it is the silent prayer and my nearly constant whisper that says over and over and over again, “Thank you Lord”.