Saturday, March 09, 2019

Bacon or Sex: One of life's most important questions!

I recognize that I am a fairly laid back parent.  

I think some would even call me, "permissive". 

I was not always this way.

Call it what you will, I've been at this for 29 years and I've lost my will to fight. 

I tried rigid and conservative.  I tried medium chill.  Now I am trying "you're an adult soon, so this is how it it is".

All that to say,  I had no issue allowing my teenagers to see A Star Is Born, which is rated R.   They watched it with another 18 year old friend and their teacher.

(Sidebar: I am still a strict freak about Internet hours - they don't get more than a few hours a day until they live somewhere else on their own.) 

I know some of you gasp at that.  It's okay. They are okay.  We live in a very thin place in the world, they see the effects of injustice and they understand sexual assault and manipulation and abuse of power within relationships. They know about consent and equality too. An R rated movie is tame compared to real life. I have always wanted my kids to know what is real. I cannot help them navigate life if they only know rainbows and puffy clouds. 

My 29-year research project has led me to the conclusion that parenting styles and the outcomes a particular style might produce is less consistent than a roulette wheel. 

That to say, one LITERALLY has nothing to do with the other.  Good parents have hard kids. Bad parents have easy kids. Etc. Etc. Vice Versa. Everyone is just rolling the dice.

A parent that is strict may end up with two sons in jail.  Another parent that is medium chill ends up with one drug addict, one mini Mother Teresa (Saint Teresa of Calcutta), and one honest hard worker making $20 bucks an hour in middle management while being a good Dad to his kids. Some permissive parents have one off the rails and one solving world hunger. 

All that to say, I neither take the credit nor the blame for my kids. 

I love them unconditionally and attempt deep relationship with each of them as individuals - (that feels key to me, they are so different) -and that's my priority - but if my style of discipline and guidelines and/or support end up creating a problematic adult, I say, "Yeah. I rolled the dice just like you guys."

NONE of that is my point.  

My point is to tell a hilarious story.

Isaac and Hope watched A Star is Born with their teacher Stefanie. Stef told me that when the scene came where a beautiful breakfast was being served to Handsome Brad and Gaga the Lady the kids were thrilled with the sight of the fancy breakfast with thick strips of Bacon.  

When Brad and Gaga got up to leave the table to make love, having not eaten the Bacon yet, the kids lost their minds in utter disbelief.   


They exclaimed to Stef, "Nobody would leave bacon like that, would they???"

Faced with a difficult decision, Stef told them the truth, a couple in love might actually choose to make love over eating breakfast. 

Isaac and Hope Livesay  (but especially Isaac) wish to go on record with this:  

Bacon is their priority. 

Kids with Scott Salvant last week :)

They hope it is yours as well.