Friday, November 24, 2017

My Struggle Bus Broke Down

My almost 23-year-old kid, Paige, likes to tell me that I am on the struggle bus.

I think it is ha-ha funny for anyone to tell me that, mainly because **I know** that the bus I am on has three flat tires and no jacks or spares.  I'm on that broken down struggle-bus sitting on the side of the road cursing at it all.

The year two thousand seventeen has been somewhat of a butt kicking.  I think maybe I have said that every year we have been in Haiti except perhaps in twenty twelve. That year (2012) I think our butts were less kicked and less bruised.  

2017 has been a ton of tears and struggle and big life and work transitions.  I am referring to things we have shared openly and much that is too personal to put on the Internet.  (I know it may seem that I am willing to share everything, but that's not true. I only share super personal things about Troy.) 

My point here is not to gripe about 2017.  (another day)

Let me pivot now to my point. 

No, actually, before I pivot let me tell you what Troy said to me about thirty minutes ago. 

Troy Livesay - on the changes in his life and marriage as a result of his 45 yearold wife and perimenopause:

"It's not bothering me at all. I have a different wife, like a different one you know? It is kind of fun and entertaining - this flaky and forgetful wife for a while - I know it is not forever so I like it, you know?"

** ** ** 

Daphnee came for an ultrasound early in her pregnancy.  A doctor in Port au Prince had given her an ultrasound. He told her that her pregnancy was outside of her uterus and that she needed to terminate for the sake of her own life.  He told her the price of termination.  It was much more than she could pay.

Daphnee had family members that had delivered with Heartline Maternity Center.  Her family members, Fedline and Phanise, told her to come get an ultrasound at the Heartline Maternal Health Program. 

Daphnee came for an ultrasound one Friday.  

We saw a normal intrauterine pregnancy and encouraged Daphnee not to go back to the doctor that had suggested termination.  Daphnee had a hard time taking that information in and asked over and over again, "It is a normal pregnancy?"  We just kept reassuring her that we saw what looked totally normal.

She delivered a healthy baby, her firstborn, on the 17th of October.  Below, Daphnee is pictured on the right - and then bringing her little one home in the second photo.

I would like to tell you stories like this are rare.  I want to say that it is likely just practitioner error and that certainly no doctor would take advantage of someone by false diagnosis and scare tactics.

I would like to tell you that.   
To be clear, I am not at all telling you that.

It breaks my heart.

** ** **

On Wednesday Nurse Nirva came in to ask if we would come talk to the client she was working with in another exam room. 

We (two midwives) went to speak with the client. We entered the room to find her boyfriend sitting there as well. We asked how we could help and he explained that he really wants her to terminate the pregnancy and that he already has another woman he supports and that he did not want the client we are seeing  (a girlfriend of his) to carry the baby. 
I listened and then turned to her and said, I know it is not the same thing - "I had more support, but I want to tell you my story."
I know what it is like to have the father of the baby saying you should have an abortion. I shared a bit of my history and I said, "This is your choice. He doesn't get to decide this for you, you will need to decide." 
The Heartline Maternity Center offers 9 months of prenatal care, six months of postpartum care, support, love, and education - These 14 months of weekly classes and community are offered for the cost of 500gourdes ( $8.06 USD ) paid one time. 
The client (S) was crying and wouldn't look at any of us. I told her we cared about her and left the exam room saying, "I am so glad that I cancelled my abortion appointment in April 1994 because that daughter is one of my best friends and her life is a gift to us all."
I obviously don't get to decide what "S" does and I will only be able to wait and see if she returns next week for prenatal class. 
But, your donations allow us to (at least) offer love and support to women like her that feel afraid or unsupported in their pregnancy. 
You are in this with us -- every day.  We are asking you to be here.

One Day's Wages is matching $14,600 of giving this #givingtuesday --- Yes, I know today and this weekend are the days to go to BestBuy and Kohl's and Target  ----- BUT --- please, when you get home from there, please check-out this matching Grant offer out and consider helping us reach the goal and receive their matching dollars.

I might be forgetful and even flaky, but I just started and finished writing this in one hour's time, take that, TROY LIVESAY.