Monday, December 31, 2012

repairable

It was given to me when she passed away, carried from Omaha to Port au Prince.

The pieces of my grandmothers blue candy dish lay shattered on my bedroom floor.  An important family heirloom ruined. Disappointed and upset about breaking this piece of family history I cried over the broken glass. How could I be so careless with something important to so many? 

Cracked into so many jagged pieces, repair and restoration seemed unlikely if not impossible. 


~       ~       ~

A few days later it is Christmas morning and the door to my teenage daughter's room is locked. "What are you doing? Please open up!" I say with my face smashed into the door. Shortly thereafter she appears, pride and triumph evident on her face. She walks toward me to gingerly place the dish, precariously pieced back together, into my hands. I gasp with surprise. It looks so much like it looked before it crashed to the floor. She beams with joy. 

Just as she sets the mainly restored lid of the dish back in its place on top, the entire thing crashes into pieces again in my hands, slicing my thumb. Pieces fall to the floor around our feet.  

Knowing the time and painstaking effort she invested into the repair I look at her face, assuming it is now her turn to weep.  She pauses, looks at the pieces both in my hands and on the floor below us. She takes a deep breath and in a matter of fact tone she says, "I'll fix it again. This is repairable. You just watch." She bends down to pick up what has fallen a second time and turns to walk away with it.

Cracked again into so many jagged pieces, repair and restoration seemed unlikely if not impossible. 

A number of days later, glue dried a second time, a few extra scars and missing pieces evident, she presents me with the dish once more.






I remember vividly the pain of crashing a second time. I was a divorced, single mom. At twenty-two years old I was trying desperately to piece my life back together after the second shattering. 

I said and thought things to myself. 
"I cannot be fixed." 
"Once was enough." 
"Who will love you now?"
"This is too much. Give up."
"You cannot be made whole."

Cracked into so many jagged pieces, repair and restoration seemed unlikely if not impossible. 

At the time I was carrying in my womb the unplanned little baby girl that would grow up to look me in the eye and say to me with confidence, "This is repairable, you just watch."


~       ~       ~


I am heavy with the awareness of the shattered, desperate, and broken world we all woke up to this morning ... Each of us cracked and in need of repair; each of us loving someone in need of the same, all longing for restoration, peace, and hope.

My prayer this New Year is that we find the courage to overcome the pain and shame of whatever piece of us has been shattered. As we enter into the new year may we each hear directly from Him what I know to be true: 'This is repairable.You just watch.'



Tara 

47 comments:

Megan said...

Such a beautiful post, Tara! Thank you for this lesson this morning!

Anonymous said...

loved this T. thanks for this good word today, the restoration is coming.
amen.

Sandy said...

Thank you Tara.

Morton Clan said...

An amazing piece of writing sharing an amazing truth - what a promise for 2013! Thankyou so much! Praying for you all this new year in Bonny Scotland.

laura said...

Amen....thank you.

Ruth said...

Beautiful, Tara.

Kristy -Mom To 9 Blessings said...

Hi Tara,
I have followed your family's story for a while now. Thanks for sharing your life with us and for such a beautifully written post. As I struggle woth issues with one of my teenagers,, this post really hit home.....that this is repairable and the 17yo that we see now is not the end of the story.
Many blessings,
Kristy

Samantha said...

Tears, this is true no matter how hard it is to believe sometimes

Kelly said...

beautiful

Marcia Erickson said...

T, this was a great bender!

I love Paige. I love you.

inara said...

Wow. Sometimes I think you are hiding in my heart...you really know how to reach in & pull out the ugly stuff & make it beautiful. I was just sitting here missing my (born out of wedlock) 21 year old who came for Christmas & also just walked past my grandmother's blue/purple glass candy dish on my dresser, amazed that it is still in one piece. I guess that's because I keep it up high, where no one can touch it. Maybe that's what I do with my heart, too...

asurprisecalling said...

Tara,
I have been reading your blog for a few months now. Thank you for this post. It was so vulnerable and real. Three years ago, my marriage was shattered and broken and moving toward divorce. God redeemed and repaired both of us and our marriage. On January 29th, we will be moving to the Dominican Republic to begin our season as missionaries. Through this mess that was our marriage, God is using that and us for His plan. When you wrote 'This is repairable. You just watch', it really hit home. We are scared and excited to watch and see what God is doing now.
Tamara

ATB said...

This took my breath away. Thanks for being you.

Marla Taviano said...

Thank you.

fearlesswarriors said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Leah said...

Just what I needed today. Thank you.

fearlesswarriors said...

Looking, with anticipation, to a year of repair and restoration. Knowing, without a doubt, all things are possible with Him. Even the impossible. Thank you for the reflections and your vulnerability to share such a sweet picture of hope. Love to you and your family today and in the year of hope ahead.

Blessings,
Tamara Bonacquisti

Angie Washington said...

*tears* Wow. Such a beautiful story of redemption. Thank you for the keen reminder to trust the Great Repairer. Thank you for the reminder that no case is irreparable. Bless you and yours.

sidenote - I am from Omaha. Born and raised a Cornhusker. Fun to find little connections like that in this great big world.

Kelly Clackler said...

Dear Troy and Tara, So enjoyed your website. My name is Elizabeth Clackler and I am a missionary with El Shaddai Ministries (Haitian director) in Dessources (Croix des Bouquests area). I have been part of this ministry since June 2006. I spend between 8 & 9 months each year in Haiti. I so identified with your information and appreciate your honesy especially when asked about coming to Haiti for long periods of time. Pray the Lord will continue to bless your ministry. If you would like to check us out, go to www.heartswithhopeforhaiti.com. Like you, it is hard to find time to keep things updated, but you can get an idea of what the Lord is doing in our area.
Enjoyed meeting your beautiful family! God bless you!

Micah Higgins said...

As a first time reader of your blog, just know that I have been immensely blessed by your words. Love the vulnerability and the constant reminder of hope.

Anonymous said...

Tara, I copied and pasted this to our small group today because it touched my heart. Norm's too because he started crying when I read it to him. Also appreciated the blog about Jeronne's father. What a long life, sounds like a tough one. Great words from the Bible via Troy. Tell Jeronne we are so sad for her loss. We love you so very very very much.
Char and Norm

Annette said...

Beautiful post!

Rebecca McDonald said...

He is the only expert I know that can put broken pieces back together better then New. Paige you are a true gem, hand cut and crafted by the masters hands.

C and G said...

Oh how I needed to hear those last lines . . . thank you

Anonymous said...

I have a relationship that needs so much glue, I pray this is true.

Elizabeth said...

Love, love, love this and love that you penned God's love story over your life on this blog :)

Vertical Mom said...

Beautiful, Tara. So poignant.

anymommy said...

Gorgeous. And isn't it funny how a few cracks can make something even more beautiful. Happy New Year. I think you are amazing.

Lisa said...

Yes, just yes. And thank you.

Sara said...

Such a beautiful peek into your lives. Thanks for sharing...thanks for your life lessons. Blessings to you and your lovely family.

T & T Livesay said...

Thanks for all of this kind feedback friends. When you're in the dark and difficult (broken) places it can get really hard to imagine redemption ... sometimes I just have to remind myself of how much redemption we see all around us and that certainly that means there is more to come.
Our gratitude for your words,
T & T

Mamita J said...

You have amazing insight and communicate it well. :-) Thank you.

Beverly Shook said...

Thank you for your practical applications to everyday life. Watching him repair in 2013.

The Beaver Bunch said...

Oh Tara,

2012 was such a HARD year. Loss, darkness and more loss. Our dreams, our hopes, sweet friends. Loss, loss, loss.

I needed this. As tears spill down my cheeks, I needed this.

If I thought we had recovered enough, we'd pack up, move to Haiti and be the 2nd crazy big family at Heartline. For real. I'm sure you have lots of people say that they'd move. But we would. If we weren't so broken right now.

Haiti is way closer than Kenya. And Kenya was our future. Now? I'm just not sure. But the thought of midwifery is so appealing and loving on young Mommas. Oh Lord, redeem us. We want to go so desperately.

Becky Dietz said...

A beautiful, encouraging word. So glad you were courageous back then. I think it was well passed on to the next generation.

Ellen said...

Thank you.

Anonymous said...

A friend sent me to read this after a lot of breaking in 2012 in my life. Thanks for these words of encouragement.
Tanya

Anonymous said...

Tara, Another worth sharing. Thank you!

Anonymous said...

Beautiful.

Carrin said...

I really loved this, Tara. Thanks for sharing.

Twingirl said...

Tara,
You have a gift. Not everyone can be profound, wise, engaging, real, loving, funny. I love your blog.
Praying for your ministry,
Liz

Kristen said...

Beautifully written and a pieced back together heirloom is a beautiful reminder. Thank God for unexpected blessings!

Alicia said...

Thank you for sharing this story. We are parenting a little boy we adopted from Haiti who came to us with a heart that was shatterd and broken into pieces. Some days I wonder if even God can repair his brokeness....but just like your daughter did we take a deep breath, and refuse to give up.
Thank you for the encouragement!

Barb C. said...

Such a beautiful piece of writing and life.

Anonymous said...

A sister in the Lord just sent me the link to this ... praise God! My marriage is in crisis, and this felt like the encouragement I need to carry on and trust the Lord to heal our relationship. God bless you.

Anonymous said...

Dear Tara,

We are kindred spirits, you have no idea!!! Isn't it amazing how God blesses our messes.

hugs,
Kim

Anonymous said...

Don't know how I missed this the first time around but I am so grateful to have read it today. Beautiful and true words.

carmen