Monday, October 01, 2007

From St.Paul -

LATE EDIT- They decided to keep Troy tonight, he should be released in the morning.

My head is swimming and tired and maybe this won't be so organized. Troy is resting right now - I am restless.

First, I just got on-line in the atrium of a St.Paul hospital and your comments encouraged me and made me bawl -- yes, I do bawl all the time -- but still.

Troy literally could not sleep due to pain behind his eyes and in his back ... and nausea last night. We both rested a couple of hours. I got on my knees -- confessed my selfishness, prayed -- got back in bed and got mad and selfish again ... pretty much over and over for hours until we got up and got ready and checked out at 4am. We got to the hospital that our friend Jen (now in Haiti) told us to try at 5am. (By the way Jen, Dr. Eng says "Hi.")

We basically struggled to decide if we should come in or not because we are not wanting to jump the gun or cause huge medical bills when it is one of those things that might just run its course.

As we pulled into the parking lot I said, "God, I hope we are right to be here. Help us know." We got down to the E.R. and the lady who greeted us said, "You live in Haiti? Do you know Heartline Ministries?" I said "DO I?? That is my one of my best friends in the world!" (John and Beth McHoul -- BETH is my friend .... John is a whole different story.)

It turns out that the nurse that checked us in is married to a guy we met last year when he came out to Lifeline to do some filming on the video that is currently on John and Beth's website. So in this state of 4 million people, the lady checking us in is married to a guy we met and worked with in Haiti for a few days. That was good confirmation for us. Thank you God!

Troy had a ton of tests done. Most all of it has come back, we're waiting on a few more things. The Dengue test will take a few days. But his spinal tap did come back positive for Viral Meningitis. We are still learning about that, it could be caused by many things from what I understand. It is sort of a blanket diagnosis, the root cause may or may not be found. They admitted him for observation and to wait on the other test results, they also gave him Morphine for the pain. There is a possibility that they will let him go home later this afternoon once all the other things are ruled out.

I left Troy for a while to go to my OB appt. We are on and set for Thursday morning, just not sure who my side-kick will be quite yet. Once we truly "get" what viral meningitis means we will better be able to decide...I am hopeful it will be Troy, but thankful for Britt and know she would be fun to have by my side too. Of course Troy needs to feel well enough to stand in that situation for a few minutes, so IF it is okay with the Dr's that he be there --- it will then be up to him to decide if he is up to it.

I think Troy did that ramp up ramp up ramp up thing and worked hard to get it all done ... and once in the air towards MN he just let down ---- and his immune system followed.

Here is the reality check of the day. I am still processing this and have a whole load of questions to pose for feedback. As I was sitting in a dark corner trying to rest at about 6am, my phone rang. It was the Mission, specifically Peter and Robenson. They were calling to tell me that Jean passed away late yesterday. For those of you who have not followed, Jean is the boy in LaDigue who has AIDS. I wrote about some feelings I had towards him here at this post.

I cannot yet clearly share all that his passing leaves me to wonder. Troy had decided to withhold information from me about how bad Jean had gotten in recent weeks, he intended to tell me but had not gotten to it yet (there have been a few things going on.) Troy felt when he left on Wednesday that Jean would die before any of us got back. He just did not know it would be so soon.

If ever there was a reality check, this would be it. This boy lived a miserable life. He was in pain for years and not only that, his family did very little to help him with it ... for whatever reason. That is neither here nor there at this point. I might sit and pity myself over a missed romantic weekend and a sick husband ---- but my sick husband had a way to get relief and did not spend years in agony only to die naked and hurting.

Jean taught me some things while he was living, and there are lessons for me in his dying. I have a very recent photo to share but will do that later after I have had more time to think it all over. This photo is from February 2006. It grieves me to think of the way Jean spent most of his life. It confuses me. In the last few weeks I was in Haiti he would scream in pain when I tried to give him a bath or put lotion on him. I am thankful that his pain is done. I am left with many questions ... and hopeful that on some level Jean knew he was loved.

Thanks for your prayers for Troy (and our family) and for the family of Jean ... I will share more about them when things settle down and time allows.

Before I go ... it is my Dad's Birthday today. I love you DAD! You are a rock in our lives, Troy and I appreciate you more then we can adequately express today.