Sunday, September 30, 2007

Anger and other things...

The weekend that was to be the last hurrah before 7! -- has turned into a weekend of questioning God, crying, and generally freaking out.

I don't want to be unfaithful ... I just want to be honest.

So here it is ... I am so pissed.

For months we have looked forward to this weekend where we would get away and talk and ... you know. And for the last month we planned our big meal out to eat and all the romance and talking we would do. So, to say that I am having a big pity party is sort of an understatement. What is worse then that though, is the fact that my husband is absolutely miserable ... I am unable to fix it ... and that ticks me off too.

We walked into our hotel room yesterday and drew the curtains. Since that time Troy has only left the bed to be sick in the bathroom and is in a lot of pain.

I know that God sees us. I know that for whatever reason we're going through another trial ... and that He gets it. But I am still mad about it. It is not fair. Troy needs a break. Did I mention it is not fair? I know God is big enough to handle my tantrum. I know this too shall pass. Someday I will get it. Maybe.

I don't know this for a fact, but both Troy and I really feel that he has Dengue Fever again. We've done the Dengue thing before and know what it looks and feels like and this is very similar. The bad news would be that Dengue lasts many days. The good news would be that God could heal Troy of all affliction in ten minutes if He so chose.

There would be no way to confirm it is Dengue without lots of lab work, we've not yet decided to do that. Tomorrow will be the day to decide all of that. Mainly, Troy needs to stay hydrated as best he can. Yahoo news had this article out today. If you're visiting Haiti don't skip the mosquito repellent. It is not worth it.

So, I started the day off calling our Pastor and I know our church and many others are praying for him/us. Thank you for that. I wish I could tell you that he is better tonight, but he really is not. Please pray that he will stay hydrated and ultimately that he will be well enough to be with me for our C-Section on Thursday morning. Britt is set to be the back-up, but of course we all want Troy to be well and be there when his daughter is born.

It is okay for those of you more faithful than I to preach to me ... I need to hear it ... You can let me have it. For tonight I am just honestly admitting that I am beyond discouraged and upset.