Monday, May 26, 2008

not ours to carry

if you've been reading for any length of time; you've watched us struggle with questions about the point of being here and the desire to JUST KNOW what the point is!

we flip flop between:
  1. saying and truly believing that being here is where we know God wants us - therefore the tangible and intangible results are irrelevant AND
  2. why be here if we're unsure what sort of success and what sort of true impact is being made - maybe this is both idiotic and pointless
it is a cycle that repeats itself every few months. because we understand our own tendencies to be fickle; we let the feelings and questions come and we work slowly through them without jumping to conclusions one way or the other. we've come to be sloooow decision makers.

i was blessed to see some small- yet- tangible things this weekend. even the littlest things can encourage when sometimes it feels like you're swimming in a sea of problems and you're totally unsure that anything being done matters.

we went on a walk over to barbancourt. i love this walk because it is on a narrow path through plantain tress with water running along side of the path, as you look up you seen green mountains and blue sky; it is beautiful. early in our walk we visited Tipap's house. he has built a nice little home in a shady spot among the mango trees. he seemed genuinely happy to see us and encouraged by our visit. along the path we ran into Tiroy. he was happy to talk to Britt and show her how perfect his toe looks (or the place where a toe used to be) and he thanked her for her help last year. there is no getting around the fact that we are the outsiders, therefore in the littlest things there is encouragement.

additionally, we have been blessed to see how excited Jeronne was when we asked her if she would help us out for about five hours a day, Monday through Friday. she is helping with Annie and our other kids too, as well as daily chores. she seemed thrilled with an opportunity to make more money and i think she knows that she is a huge help to us. she is an amazing lady, we're happy it worked out for her to help in the mornings.

i grinned this morning when she asked Noah to come over after breakfast and have his hands and faced wiped off. he knew what she was asking and Noah said, "Merci Jeronne" - and a little thing like that is encouraging. i sincerely hope that Jeronne will help the kids and i move forward with our creole - it is important to me that we all speak the language fairly well some day - not just Troy and Paige and Britt.

one on one relationships are important to me. maybe that is why these little things matter.

we're feeling more and more convicted to focus our attention on areas where the impact could possibly be longer range. we're feeling called to working with single moms, orphans, and projects that will impact individual lives and are more than a handout. it is all quite overwhelming at times ... and it is in those times that we need to remember to keep laying it down. it is not ours to carry. God sees and He hears and we'll keep giving it back to Him to deal with.


right now our friends in Cazale are a bit down. there is a real concern regarding their budget. to put it bluntly, their costs have gone up enough that they cannot operate at the level of the need for very much longer. what they really need are people who feel moved by the holy spirit to do something EVERY month. if you would consider partnering with them at a $10 to $100 a month level and commit to stay with them for a year, it would really REALLY help them. i am not into guilting people to give, i believe if you're convicted - you'll give -- and having your arm twisted is not conviction. pray about it. maybe you want to help. if you do please check out these blogs below in the coming days for information about getting involved. i for one, have a feeling that God is going to show up in that situation very soon.

Lastly, Jen has posted some cute pics and final thoughts on her time in Haiti. AND, Troy and Britt have funny stories to tell about their day in Port today, they'll get on that tomorrow.