I keep waiting for my head to crack open from the pressure build up. I stopped just short of dialing 911. The whining I might have done yesterday would have been born of a reduced ability to cope --- due to illness.
Our adoption dossier has gone to Chicago. We've been racing the clock. Yesterday was insanely stressful trying to fix a mistake or two and get it on its way. Again, coping mechanisms- not at their strongest.
We're working hard to leave the house looking like a place that people will fight to buy or rent. So far nobody is fighting, but it is bound to happen soon. I plan to be here when the first fist fight breaks out in the front yard. There has been a lot of juggling furniture, moving things around, and trying to do minor repairs. If Noah would stop trying to climb walls by using towel bars the repairs would greatly decrease in number. The reasons to live in Haiti are many, but recently we've come to recognize the value of cement walls and tile floors as well. Kids destroy houses. All cement construction may not be lovely, but it is sturdy.
The storage locker is close to full so the furniture all needs to be spoken for later on - or sold now. We did not understand the value of having rented it fully furnished in late 2005. We saved on a TON of work when we moved to Haiti two years ago. A ton.
When we moved in January of 2006 every single little thing fell into place, there was absolutely no doubting that we were headed where God had called. This time around things are not so neat and tidy, it is requiring more faith than it did last time. (I am finding that more faith is not necessarily an easy thing for me.)
On the phone with my Uncle yesterday, I whined that it was confusing to have the funds all but in place to live/serve in Haiti ---- but not have the house or truck sold. I basically expect it all to fall into place like it did two years ago.
He pointed out that we're not really supposed to gauge things by circumstances. Sometimes we need to move forward in faith without the guarantees and without everything all tied up in a nice package. The illustration he used was good. He pointed out that God asked Noah to build an ark without any sign of rain. It took years and years and Noah kept moving forward even though the drought continued. People thought it was SO dumb and that Noah was either stupid or crazy. Of course eventually it did rain, which was nice vindication for Noah ... BUT, in some cases God could ask you to do something without ever providing a nice ending to the story.
We're not sure if the house stuff will work itself out. We only know that we are to return to Haiti at this time and wait on His further direction. If the truck sells, it buys us five house payments. If the house sells, it really does not matter if the truck does. If neither sell (or rent) we will be seeking God and asking for clarification on His plan. I for one like to believe that God is not asking us to enter into a foreclosure, He seems much more responsible than that. Even God must like a good credit score. ?
As scary or stupid as it is, we are moving forward to return the entire tribe to Haiti (sans Britt) in the next few days and weeks. It is certainly nothing as scary as building a huge stinking boat during a 100 year drought! We'll get through it.
In the midst of moving all these possessions around (while managing an exorbitant number of children)and fixing things, our truck not only ran out of gas ... It decided to break-down all together. Last night after 22 hours on the side of the highway, a friend from church towed it to his garage to try and replace the fuel pump - our first guess at what is wrong with it. The value of this vehicle is only increasing as original 1999 parts are updated and replaced. Get it while its hot folks. :/
The news from Haiti is not so encouraging either. Apparently there is a money shortage. According to the sources that typically cash our checks to provide us with Haitian Dollars to run the mission, a bunch of old money was taken out of rotation and destroyed but no new money is available yet. Not much forethought there - considering we're talking about an all cash society. Lesson learned: Don't throw away the pot you're peeing in until you have a new pot. Duh people! Troy is trying to figure out how to get his hands on money to be able to pay the employees when he arrives. So far, no solution. He is hoping they're not planning to run him out of town if the news continues to be bad. He leaves Minneapolis with Phoebe early on New Year's Day.
The dog situation came to a point of no return on Christmas Day. My entire family was
together and as we talked through the limited options it became clear that Dad and Mom were on the hook and were our only hope for Peanut to be able to return to Haiti in January. Dad and Peanut are long-time buddies. Which for Peanut, became incredibly important to her very future. Sometimes relationships are what save your butt. :) (Relationship relationship relationship - this is every smart dog's mantra.)
They were already loaded down with all of Britt's stuff for Baylor but they made room for one extra little thing; an 100 pound dog. They are going to their house near the very Southern tip of TX for a few weeks, for the short-term they have a new pet. The reports about the road trip were all good. As a road-trip dog Peanut has not disappointed us, her reputation precedes her.
Dad will drive the dog back up to us in Waco on the 9th. We found a hotel that will let us have her. Britt has her orientation weekend the 10th - 13th. Lydie and I will leave Waco and go fly out of Dallas with the dog on January 14. Sounds simple, does it not? I still don't know exactly how to handle a rental car, a huge dog, a small baby, and huge luggage ... but that is just details.
The beginning of the goodbyes have come and gone. I hate goodbyes. The hard part is not having a plan to see loved ones. My Mom and Dad said goodbye to Troy and the kids without knowing if or when they'll come down to Haiti next. Even if the visit is a year or more away ... For me it is easier to say goodbye knowing there is a plan (any plan!) No plan to see each other causes the goodbye to sting a little bit more.
In reality the looming goodbye with Britt is the one that stings the most. Troy and the kids won't see her for 7 months, I will see her sooner but I still hate the feeling of leaving her. It is one thing to leave the state, but leaving the country that my baby is in feels terribly uncomfortable and just plain wrong. I need to get over it; I know that. I cannot keep her a baby and I cannot keep her near me forever ... I DO KNOW this. The idea is to send them off ... I just liked it better when it was an idea and not a reality.
Well, I better go. It is time to ring the bell and watch Troy come running with a bowl of hot soup.