Tuesday, June 10, 2008

thoughts random and unrelated that might not even sound coherent

There is an unwritten law here. It says, when you’re feeling overwhelmed and think that you’re coping with quite enough – a paper will be delivered to you to tell you to appear in court. It never fails. TIH. Maybe it is a way of learning that God will help you handle more even when you feel you've reached your max capacity. Or maybe that is not it at all. :) Who knows?!?

The last time Troy was asked to appear in court we were standing in a hospital room praying for Lydie. Clearly we're in a better position than we were that day. Yesterday another notice was delivered to the mission.

About ten days ago, on a Friday, I noticed that the former school director was at the gate. I thought it was odd because he has been gone for months and the case he brought had settled. We figured we were done hearing how upset he was with us. (Wrong.)

Troy was out of town that day so I just let the gate people inform him that Troy could not talk to him. Seeing him at the mission, I figured something would be coming soon. Yesterday we got our papers asking Troy to appear court on June 11th. (A special birthday gift from the former school director - for Troy. How sweet of him to remember!) We don’t know why he is taking us to court again … that part will be a mystery until the scheduled court time of 10am Wednesday. TIH.


There is some nasty Haitian-Happiness bug going through our family right now. When we see people running for a bathroom we just step aside quickly. Hope puked in her hands the other night, it was quite impressive. We wish she would train the boys to do that.


The time without the Internet has given us opportunity to talk A LOT and to read. That part has been really good. I heard stories about Troy that I have never heard - it was fun to learn new things about my wonderful man. I am not sure how you can be married ten years before you hear that your husband once had his very life threatened by a high Cocaine junkie, but that was exactly what I learned.

The books we’re reading with our time have led to great discussions. Troy just finished Heavenly Man and A Crime so Monstrous and is now reading Epicenter and Confessions of a Reformissionist Rev. I finished The Shack and am reading Myth of a Christian Nation. All of the books except for A Crime so Monstrous are about two or three years old. Being away from the bookstores- we're always a couple of years behind. We hear after the fact that some of these books were “controversial” and it is kind of nice to read them free from everyone’s opinions and be able to have our own thoughts on what we read - taking what we can and leaving what sounds odd - but not tainted by anyone else’s review.

In our deep conversations and soul searching of late, we have identified some things.

Have you ever watched the Biggest Loser? Have you ever read anything those folks say after they are done and trying to live their lives in a new body? They talk about feeling uneasy because they are so different than they used to be. They feel that people who knew them as fat have trouble accepting them as thin. They themselves find that they are sort of uncomfortable because they were used to the old version of themselves and they don’t have a true comfort level or an understanding or an acceptance of their new identity.

All of that relates a lot to outward appearance, yet it is so hard to reconcile. Imagine the discomfort when the changes are not simply external, but internal. Troy and I realize that we are so different than we used to be that we’re not even comfortable in our own skin at times. We view things in new ways, with new eyes and many of the things we used to think are being challenged and reformed. It leaves us feeling uncertain of ourselves at times and if we’re reconciling our own new thoughts and opinions, it makes sense that we often feel misunderstood by others. It is kind of a lonely place at times. It is not bad or the fault of any person. It just is.

More than anything we're glad that we're changing together and that we understand each other. I can toss out some really weird new thing I am thinking and not have the thought diminished or dismissed - because Troy is experiencing all the same things and wrestling with the same issues. God is so awesome to give us one another. :) I think loneliness is a part of the human condition because we never fully accept God's love for us. We always let our own perceptions of Him and our own pain get in the way of receiving that. We feel misunderstood on a much grander scale than what I have just described. We're trying really hard to just be where we are without feeling the need to be understood. I think it is our attempt to just rest in Him.

Some days we get good rest, others -- not so much. (Sigh.)

When Troy was out of town recently he had something occur to him that I had occur to me over the same weekend. Those are super cool moments -- where you are more certain it is God's prompting ... we were many miles apart yet hearing the same thing.

I'm not sure how to wrap these random/incoherent thoughts up. So I won't try. We're plugging along. Our team of 12 is mainly a youth group and they're busy soaking in a new culture. We hope you're well today and finding your own peace in places of uncertainty and challenge. We believe that if you seek Him - He will be found.

t & t