In early August Hope said "Mom, I want you to have another baby." I said "Why Hopie?" Her response was so cute- "Noah is not a baby anymore and I cannot be a mother yet!"
We asked that you pray that we would have discernment and wisdom to make a big decision.
We *think* we know what we should do but we have asked God to close a big heavy door in our face if we are wrong. We don't have a telegram with instructions, we're just moving forward in faith and counting on His steering.
I recognize that my apprehension to share has more to do with fear, than with anything else. It is analogous to telling your family and friends about a pregnancy when you are just newly pregnant ... it feels risky because you just never know what might happen. Having thought about that quite a bit, (and having experienced the loss of two babies) we decided that even if it all falls apart, or is not to be, we still would want our family and friends to know --to encourage and support us and most importantly pray us through it.
SO- Here is the latest ...
Back in June we learned that Hope's birthmother (pictured in the white dress) is pregnant. We learned that the baby has the same birthdad as Hope as well. We were intrigued but she did not make a peep about her plans for the unborn baby and neither did we. It is not something we would ever assume or suggest. We figured she must be planning to parent the baby.
Two Sunday's ago John told us that she had come to him to let him know that she is due in the next six weeks (her estimate) and that she does not intend to keep this baby. She asked him to let us know.
We are totally content, our kids keep us busy and happy. We were not necessarily seeking to adopt, although we are definitely open to it. We had always said our interest would be much greater if it was a sibling to either Hope or Isaac.
When we took care of Sophia for those few weeks we pretty much decided that in order to adopt again there would need to be a family connection or a big neon sign from God. (Hope with Sophia in early June, below.Hope LOVES babies. She thinks she is a mommy.)
We spent the week tossing around the scary parts and the awesome parts and decided that the risks are worth taking. The fact is, we think we should move forward and the parts that are scary and uncertain are not too big for God to handle.
The main issues are boundary issues and clarifying that we cannot give our birthmother anything, as it can be construed as "buying" the baby. We have to be clear on what her expectations are and on what our limitations are.
We are not really concerned that she will change her mind. This will be her fifth child being placed for adoption. Before Hope, there were three others placed. She knows what this will feel like. We are a little concerned about adopting while living down here -- since we have only done it from the USA, and the process will be different.
John and Beth have assured us they will help us. As with ALL international adoptions, there are risks. Until the child is on U.S. soil, with your last name, anything can happen. Anytime a foreign country wants to put an end to adoptions they can, no questions asked. No refunds. No sympathy for broken hearts. That is the risk for everyone who adopts. Nobody wants to attach to a child (and vice versa) only to lose the child ... but it is hardly a reason to throw in the towel and miss out on such an amazing experience. So, with all of that in mind we will be letting Hope's birthmother know that we are willing to take the baby when it is born and begin the paper chase to legally adopt him or her.
We feel eight months pregnant. We're nervous and excited. (And freaking out a little bit.) Plus, now that we're telling you - it makes it seem very real.
We'll see what God does-
Tara and Troy