That pep and cheer I woke up with this morning, is dragging some serious butt tonight. Troy pointed out today - that my worries over Phoebe and the adoption and the timing of it all - have been consuming me and making me less cheery and far more stressed than I have been for years.
I will admit to shedding more tears in the past few weeks (like daily) while worrying about things, than I have in many, many months. I keep saying I am giving all of it over to God, but I guess I really am not. I'm tired, and not because of a lack of sleep. Because of constantly worrying and fearing the future. Every waking moment is spent wasting time on "if this happens, then this ... and if this happens we could handle it this way..." And on and on ad infinitum.
I am acting like a basket-case. My brain needs to rest. I need to get this figured out. There is a difference between saying you gave something to God and actually GIVING something to God. I am tired of failing at this. I am just tired. I don't know what the future holds for my family. It needs to be good enough for me that God knows. I cannot do it with my might, or my power. It has to be by His Spirit.
That is my assignment for Lent this year.