Warning: The following post will not entertain you or cause you to laugh in any way.
This is hard. Harder than I thought it would be. Harder in every way. I have to admit to hanging on to some "pie in the sky" ideas of what this would be like. They're pretty much gone now. I'm exhausted.
Unlimited needs and limited resources is only part of the problem. Another part of the problem is my inability to say no. I'm getting worn down already, and so is my family, because of it. I think I have always been a "people-pleaser" in general. That doesn't work very well when I'm surrounded by hurting people with expectations and needs way beyond what I can provide. I know there is only so much I can do, but when the list of things to do and the line of people needing you to do them gets longer each day, it's hard to stay energized.
I am having a hard time putting my family's needs before those of our visitors and the people we're here to serve. If I can't take care of them, I'll be lousy at helping everyone else, too. Everyone is putting on a brave face, but we won't last at the rate things are going. I ask you to pray with me for strength and courage to set better priorities and boundaries that will protect us all.
There have been amazing answers to prayer, and God has of course been faithful to supply our every need. He has also used many of you to give incredible encouragement. Thank you for that, and keep it coming. Tara's Uncle Rick perhaps put it best when he reminded us that even Jesus needed to go off alone and pray and regroup. That's what I really need to do. One of my closest friends, sent this note in an email:
(I use this completely without permission, of course.)
Jamie- "Since you are now most definitely off the bench and in the game, Satan has a really big bullseye on all of your backs. As our pastor says,"Satan loves couch potatoes." And since you are now the starting power-forward (I know deep down inside, you've always thought of yourself as a post-up man, with the ability to mix it up on the outside with the long J and quick cross over) on the All-Star team, you've gotten Satans attention."
Tara's Uncle Rick: (also without permission)
"We used to sing â€œlet me burn out for thee Oh Lord.â€� What a stupid unbiblical song. How about..â€�let me be full of life, joy, peace, and energy for you Oh Lord, in full recognition of my humanity, my limitations and the overwhelming need.â€�
â€œThe power of prayer has never been tried to its full capacity. If we want to see mighty wonders of divine power and grace wrought in the place of weakness, failure, and disappointment, let us answer God's standing challenge, â€˜Call unto me and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things which thou knowest not!â€™ (Jeremiah 33:3 KJV)â€� â€” J. Hudson Taylor