Thursday, February 23, 2006

Adoption Thoughts

Today (February 23) is a day that has huge significance to my (Tara) family. Thirteen years ago today my sister gave birth to a little baby girl, a baby that she had not planned; and ultimately decided it was the most loving thing to do, to place her for adoption. 13 years is a long time, but the feelings the day of her birth stirs in me are much stronger now than many years ago. Maybe because I have a more well-rounded view of the sacrifice. Maybe because I am not 20 anymore.

I hate the term "give her up" - something about that has a negative connotation. Usually if you give something up, it is some bad habit. If you "give up" your baby, in most cases you are doing it out of nothing other than love. My little sister lovingly placed her daughter for adoption. There was nothing self-centered or uncaring about it. It was an incredibly painful decision to make.  Thankfully a loving family stood ready to adopt my niece.

Watching my sister go through the emotions and living with the sacrificial choice she made, has helped shape my view of Isaac and Hope's two first-moms. Their reasons for placing Isaac and Hope were probably much different than my sisters reasons. Even with different lifestyles and economic situations, I can only assume it hurts deeply to lose a child, no matter what the reason for placing the child. I can only assume it doesn't stop hurting.
Isaac & Hope - 2006

I love those two first moms for a handful or reasons but especially because they lovingly carried our two wonderful Haitian Sensations into this world. I am so thankful that God used these women to give Hope & Ike life and that I ended up as their adoptive mom.  I grieve their loss and know that my gain was loss for them.

I am not sure this post about adoption has one true point. I just think a lot about adoption each February when my nieces birthday rolls around. I think about my sister and how it feels to be missing her daughter's birthday party, and the deep unending hurt in that loss. I think about the way Hope and Ike's moms feel. I think about how I can never really understand or reconcile it all. I wish I could. I pray that if the day comes that the tap on the gate is the tap of my sweet little Hope or Ike's other moms, that the presence of God will be evident in that moment, and that I will know how to handle it just like Jesus would.

Post Script edit added July 2012 - We met both first moms in late 2006 and have been in regular contact with them for six years now.