Friday, July 07, 2006

Letting you inside my head

By Tara
I mentioned this morning that I am discouraged. That might be an understated way to put it. I feel like we have been on a long stretch of tests and I keep thinking we should have passed them by now. I am frustrated and I am questioning the greater meaning of it all. I think we have all been quite sick enough, we have had our share of crap happen here at the mission, and we have all shown decent staying power and yet more sickness comes. I am tired of it.

I know so many people have been and are praying and maybe that makes it even more confusing to me ... I don't know.

My rash causes prickly feeling itching ... the palms of my hands are the worst, they are horrible. All from one stupid mosquito? It is hard to fathom. Noah's heat rash is at an all time bad spot too, and that has me equally angry and sad.

I hate being a Debbie Downer, it is generally not who I am ... but I also hate lying and putting on a happy face ... God knows where I am anyway so I might as well be honest with you. Keeping it real. I know we will get past this eventually, I would just love to know WHEN?????

I love this song. So many of these lyrics are relevant right now. It is where I am. There is a link to go listen to it if you want.

Paul Coleman - The One Thing

Here I am
In a river of questions
Can I pour my heart out to a listening ear?
I see this life
Its valleys and mountains
And I think of all the roads that brought me here
I’ve questioned my reasons
The life I’m living
I’ve questioned my ability
To judge wrong from right
I’ve questioned all the things that I’ve ever called certain
My race, my religion, my country, my mind

But the one thing I don’t question is you
You really love me like you say you do
You really love me like you say you do
Hold me
Hold me

I’ve questioned significance
Meaning and relevance
Does the work I’m doing really matter at all?
Well I’ve questioned my friendships
Alliance, dependence
Who will still be here when I fall?

Only one thing doesn’t change
Only one thing stays the same
All I know at the end of the day is your love remains (Song number 2)