Saturday, July 29, 2006

On Growing (and Aging)

(Disclaimer-My blog today has little to do with Haiti. (Although Haiti puts me in introspective places quite often.) It is one of those- middle of the night can't sleep sort of posts from a week ago --just edited for today.)

Age has been a weird thing for me for many years. Having a baby when you're 17 skews things a bit and from that day forward you are busy playing with the numbers.

I am turning 34 this Sunday. Somewhere between 30 and now I got over not wanting to be older. Bring it on. The further I am from 24 the better. I have come to a place of understanding that age (if you are doing it right) means wisdom and growth. I cannot have enough of that.

I fully recognize that I don't know it all, far from it, but there is the certainty that I'm finally better able to accept that which I cannot change. I accept it much more readily than I could at 24 and even 29.

34 has brought stability. I am past chasing down contentment, instead I am finding it in the places that God plops me. I am finding it in unexpected places. I see that most of what I spazzed out about five years ago, was stupid - inconsequential, and totally beyond my control. 34 has brought me to a place where I can savor my children and each day. When I was 24 and single, I spent a bunch of time wishing the two I had were easier. Now, I want to freeze them all in time and never let these moments pass me by. How can I make Noah stay eternally two? It is going too fast.

I can get older, I just don't want them to.

My friends who are 45 know a lot. 55 makes you wicked smart ... from there it's all gravy.
I want to be old and wise. Wise people are calm, inviting and spiritually deep. They take it all in stride gracefully. They say things that make you stop and think. Today I'm older and a little tiny bit wiser and I'm glad for it.

My gifts ...

  1. A cute husband whom I can honestly say is the greatest friend I have ever had and with whom I am madly in-love and more than mildly impressed. His tenderness towards me amazes me. Plus, he is so good at loving our babes and makes fatherhood look easy. And he is cute. And romantic. Did I mention he is cute?
  2. A 16 year old that constantly knocks my socks off and makes me giggle daily.
  3. An 11 year old that blesses me with her wisdom and compassion & spiritual depth.
  4. A 4 year old that tells me at least once a week "Ma, you're gorgeous" (That's what good dads can teach their boys.)
  5. A quiet, thinking 4 year old that when she speaks almost always has something wonderful and sweet to say. The gifts of the 4 year olds is multiplied by the rich experience of adopting them, another gift all together!
  6. AND a hilarious two year old that reduces me to tears for GOOD reasons ten times more often than bad.
  7. How full is my life? My cup overflows.
  8. The other gifts are my incredible & silly family, to whom I have never felt closer to or more loved ... yet geographically I have never been further from them. Tina, I miss you and our hours on the phone more than you can possibly know.
  9. My friends. My oldest friend (who really loves idioms) who I met in fifth grade at Park Brook Elementary school, all the way to my newest friend(and now geographically closest)who I met on-line first and then in Haiti last September. The group of girlfriends that I met through adoption, along with my cousins who are also my friends. They are gifts. They are scattered all over the place, as far west as Washington and as far east as North Carolina. Geography cannot separate true friends. And of course...
  10. A Father in Heaven who knows where I am and where I've been and loves me anyway.

How is that for a list of Birthday gifts? Who needs PF Chang's for dinner, and silly birthday presents when you have the real gifts of life? . (Mom and Dad ... please don't misinterpret. I still want to go to PF Chang's when I come to MN in August.) ;-)

My Prayer for the coming year is best found in this song...

Help Me Be New Sara Groves lyrics
Sara Groves Help Me Be New
God is doing a work in me ~He's walking through my rooms and halls~ Checking every corner~ Tearing down the unsafe walls ~And letting in the light~ I am working hard~To clean my house and set it straight ~To not let pride get in the way~ To catch an eternal vision of~ What I am to become~ Will you help me be new~ Will you hold me to the promises~ That I have made~ Will you let me be new ~Forgive my old self and my old mistakes~ It seems easier~ Living out my life in Christ~ For those who do not know me~ To hide the thorns stuck in my side ~And all my secret faults ~But you know me well ~And it's you I want the most to see~ And recognize the changes~ A word from you empowers me~ To press on for my goal~ When I feel condemned to live my old life ~Remind me I've been given a new life in Christ~Help me be new

Click Here for a link to Sara Groves albums and audio clips.