Thursday, June 22, 2006
"God isn't looking for people of great faith, but for individuals ready to follow Him" ~Hudson Taylor
"God uses men who are weak and feeble enough to lean on him." ~Hudson Taylor
These quotes are true... and that is a good thing for me. My faith does not feel so great and I am indeed feeble.
These last few days and even weeks have been more challenging. Just one of those slumps where you feel like you have to try really hard to have a good attitude. I have certainly felt more discontent and frustration than the previous months. Some of it is related to situations here, but I don't get the sense that those situations are the root of the restlessness I feel.
The other day we were driving along, Troy said, "I have no desire to return to a normal job, I could see doing mission work from here on out." I was like, REALLY???? Because, that is not where I am. Forever in Haiti sounds difficult and inconceivable to me right now. Forever is a long time! No date-night for forever? I don't think so.
My desire is always to be where God wants me and to do it with a joyful attitude. I am just admitting that in the last week(s) this has been a bit more difficult for me personally.
There is always an ongoing lesson for me no matter where I am in life ... and that is, God saying, "Get your eyes off of your circumstance lady ... it is not about you, it is about ME." "Be joyful in every situation, be thanking me in ALL things. My grace is sufficient if you would not be too stubborn to LEAN on me."
The missionary care sites that you read say there is a natural pattern for people who leave their own country. Month four and six are supposed to be typical times of discontent or loneliness. I have been here just short of five months so maybe I am experiencing the normal stuff.
I do believe that it is normal to have these low and high spots in a walk with God. I am looking forward to heading to higher ground and trying really hard to lean in on Him who can help me in any situation and circumstance.